


There's Always Time (To Be the Dad Friend)

by zabiume



Series: The (Disastrous) Adventures of Inoue and Abarai [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Discussions About College, Friendship, Gen, Grades, Minor Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Rukia - Freeform, Post-Thousand Year Blood War Arc, big!brother renji pulls out the big guns - literally and figuratively
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25149307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zabiume/pseuds/zabiume
Summary: Renji decides to return a favor to Orihime. Turns out, all he needs to do is go undercover and it's pretty embarrassing how good he's getting at it.
Relationships: Abarai Renji & Inoue Orihime
Series: The (Disastrous) Adventures of Inoue and Abarai [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883725
Comments: 22
Kudos: 59





	There's Always Time (To Be the Dad Friend)

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a sequel to 'Have you Tried Bankai?' but it works well as a standalone work, too. This fic is born out of my undying love for putting Renji and Orihime in situations where they do the most ridiculous things to solve simple problems, but this one also had Emotions in it and I have no way to justify it. 
> 
> This is also a shoutout to ao3 user polynya (who is [recurring-polynya](https://recurring-polynya.tumblr.com/) on tumblr). She likes the same characters that I do and leaves very nice comments & feedback on my work! Thanks for that, hope you don't hate this.

The air is crisp and cool in Karakura, butterflies fluttering around the park. Rukia sips from her orange juice idly, while Renji leans back on his park bench. They’re technically not supposed to ‘linger’ -- Byakuya’s words, not his -- but they run into Ichigo and Orihime on the way, so they’ve decided to stay while the two kids sort out...whatever it is they’re sorting out. 

"You're being dramatic, Orihime," Ichigo says tiredly, in the tone of someone who's said this a billion times to no avail. 

"You're not the one who has to stay in school forever!" Orihime snaps and the anger lasts for about two seconds before her eyes start crowding with tears again. 

“Pfft. There’s no way in hell I’m going to graduate without you, silly.” 

Orihime ignores him in favor of determinedly staring at her own feet. Ichigo frowns, surprised that his reassurances don’t actually reassure her. She wipes away at her eyes hastily, her nose all scrunched up and red. 

Renji raises his eyebrows at Rukia. He can't even count on his hands the number of times he's seen Ichigo and Orihime fight because it's been exactly zero. Null. This is testament mainly to Orihime's angelic patience because Ichigo fights with everyone. Ichigo would fight the Fourth. Ichigo would fight a log. 

Rukia shrugs back at him, before surveying the two teenagers again in piqued interest from behind her sunglasses. 

"I'm sorry, Orihime, please don't cry," Ichigo says immediately, setting his hand gently on her shoulder. "Look, I'm sure we can bribe my dad to talk to the counsellor or some shit, okay? We'll figure it out." 

"Uh, figure what out exactly?" Renji pipes in, and both Ichigo and Orihime stare at him like they forgot he existed. He shrugs. 

Orihime gnaws her lip nervously. "We've got a Parent-Teacher Career Counselling session in a few days," she explains. "And my aunt usually attends these things but --" 

"Her aunt's an asshole," Ichigo interrupts dryly. 

"Ichigo!" 

"It's true! You might be too nice to say it but I'm not." 

"Hold on," Rukia interrupts, taking off her sunglasses and waving it back and forth between Orihime and Ichigo. "This is the aunt that pays you less when you get lower grades than usual?" 

Orihime bubbles back up in protest. "She only does it to keep me motivated and it's not fair for me to expect anything --"

Rukia shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Orihime, but I agree with Ichigo. She's an asshole." 

"See? Anyway," Ichigo says. "Orihime decided she doesn't want her aunt to come to this one because it's actually important, unlike the other ones," He holds up a hand to an almost interrupting protest from Orihime. "And it's a good decision, but now she doesn't really have any other adults she can take with her, so she's backpedalling." 

Rukia raises her eyebrows and raises her chin at Ichigo. "Why can't your dad take her?" 

Orihime looks absolutely mortified, but Ichigo just sighs, rubbing at his eyebrows. "It has to be an official guardian." He says flatly. "Trust me, I thought about it."

Renji blows out air through his cheeks. They must truly be desperate if they were seeking out Ichigo's dad for help. Rukia's accounts of Isshin Shiba don't exactly peg him as the most helpful type. He leans forward in his park bench. "Official guardianship," he says to Orihime. "Explain to me how that works, exactly." 

Orihime sinks down onto the bench. "Well, it's simple," she says rapidly. "My brother was my guardian until he passed, so he'd attend all the meetings. Then he, um, died, so it was my aunt." She waves her arms in front of her. "Basically it has to be a legal relative of mine." 

Renji narrows his eyes at Rukia. Nobles back in Soul Society had their own ways of crossing legal loopholes to adopt heirs. Kuchiki Byaukuya had done so for Rukia himself. "How extensive does this legal proof have to be?" Renji asks. He knows a thing or two about loopholes and paperwork. 

Orihime and Ichigo blink. Rukia, however, catches his drift. 

"It's not like the Gotei, Renji," she says patiently. "Surprisingly, the teachers in school know these kids' families really well so they don't carry as many background checks as you think they would." 

Renji raises his eyebrows. The first inklings of an idea start to form in his brain. 

“Wait,” Orihime interrupts excitedly. “Did you just telepathize with each other?!”

Rukia smiles, glancing at Renji so they can share a smug look. Instead, he’s got a wild grin on his face. He’s all but short of screaming ‘eureka’ -- which is apparently a World of the Living thing. 

“So cool!” Orihime pumps a fist in the air, staring between Rukia and Renji in awe. 

“So I don’t have to adopt her?” he confirms with Rukia. 

Rukia grins. “Nope. But who wouldn’t want to honestly, Orihime’s such a peach.”

“Thank you,” Orihime cheers, though she has no idea what’s going on herself. 

“Hold on,” Ichigo slams his palms against the table. “I don’t speak RenRuki, damn it, catch me up.” 

Rukia raises her eyebrow at the name, but Renji ignores him in exchange for putting forth a proposition to Orihime. “How about I come to this meeting of yours?”

Ichigo frowns. Orihime’s eyes widen, like she’s considering it. “Well..”

“When hell freezes over,” Ichigo butts in forcefully. “You’ll bungle it up.” 

Renji scoffs. “I’ve gone incognito in the World of the Living before,” he brags. “Besides,” he taps his knuckle on the table in front of Orihime. “I owe Orihime a favor.” Orihime’s mouth makes a small ‘O’ in understanding, her eyes flashing brightly with a grin. 

“Chad had to teach you what a meme is,” Ichigo reminds him with a glare. “You don’t know shit about the real world.” 

“He’s an idiot,” Rukia agrees, though her agreement is more affectionate in tone than Ichigo’s. 

“Chad was supposed to keep that a secret, what the hell,” Renji mutters. He props up his elbows on the table and regards Orihime with a promising eyebrow-wiggle. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be your fun cousin who’s visiting from...whatchamacallit?” He snaps his fingers. 

“Tokyo!” Orihime exclaims excitedly. 

“Tokyo,” Renji agrees, waving his hands in front of him like it’s supposed to be convincing. “See? It’s a good idea.” 

“The only problem is obviously your weird eyebrows,” Rukia points out, pinching his eyebrows underneath the bandana with her fingers. “Orihime’s are perfect.”

Orihime giggles into her palms. 

“Har-dee-har-har.” Renji pinches her side lightly and she yelps. 

Ichigo gives them a trademark scowl, looking ready to pipe back up with an argument. Rukia tilts her head in concern, however. “But Renji, won’t Brother mind if you take a few extra days?” They’re running tight on reconstruction; her own squad’s packed to the brim with responsibilities to pick up on after the war. 

Orihime deflates, her shoulders sinking. She looks like a puppy kicked over. This, Renji thinks, is how she’s got everyone wrapped around her little finger. “I’ll tell him it was in the name of diplomatic relations.” he excuses, with a grin. 

Rukia scoffs, but she lets it drop. His headache, not hers. She regards Orihime. “Are _you_ down with this, though?”

“I think it’ll be fun!” Orihime says, “I love playing pretend.” She says this with the absolute conviction of someone with no regard for how many impersonation and fraud charges they could be slapped with if her teachers even slightly suspected that Renji wasn’t actually her cousin. 

Rukia, Orihime and Renji all turn to Ichigo expectantly. Ichigo groans. 

“Fine, but I’m telling you, this is a terrible idea.”

____

Rukia and Orihime spent way too much time playing dress-up, Renji thinks, because the second he walks up to the third floor corridor of Karakura High, a bunch of families shoot him weird looks. He feels stiff in his gigai, moreso in this leather jacket they’ve dolled him up in. He’s had to abandon the sunglasses, but Orihime let him keep the bandana -- a nice, black one that goes with the jacket. Orihime couldn’t afford to buy him new shoes, so his feet feel stuffy in the flats he had to borrow from Urahara’s shop. He ignores the families and walks in the direction of the crude map of the school Orihime had made him memorize for no reason other than to imitate World of the Living spy movies.

 _At the reception, they’ll give you a ticket and ask you for your name and your relation to me,_ Orihime’s voice rings helpfully in his head. _The lady there kind of looks like Yhwach, if Yhwach ever put his hair up in a very elegant man bun!_

At the outset, Renji was sure Orihime had been joking about that but holy shit. The woman sitting behind the reception counter actually matches Orihime’s description to a T. She’s in a stiff neck black coat, her hair tied up in a high bun. Her mouth is creased with the lines of someone who holds it with a perpetual frown. She regards Renji with a bored look. “Name?”

“Tatsuo Inoue,” he says proudly. It didn’t take them too long to brainstorm the name; Orihime just titled him after a supposedly beloved manga character, unlike the intense semantics they hustled through last time. “Cousin to the wonderful Orihime Inoue.”

Mrs. Yhwach raises her eyebrows at him, but tears off a ticket anyway. It says ‘5,’ so Renji assumes that’s their number, like at the banks back in Soul Society. “The students are all assembled there.” She points her hand vaguely behind her and Renji bows gratefully. 

First task of order is to find Orihime. That should be easy enough, what, with her flaming hair and her cheerfully loud voice. He scans the crowd. There’s a few familiar faces -- like the kid Ikkaku and Yumichika bunked with last time. There’s also Chad and Uryuu who both grin at him from their place by the door. Ryuuken Ishida looks positively disinterested, a few paces away, messing about with his phone. Behind them is Ichigo and his family. Ichigo’s got his hands jammed in his pockets while his dad and sisters seem to be pulling his leg about something. None of them notice Renji, which is crazy because literally everyone else in this room has. 

“Tatsuo?”

Renji almost forgets that’s supposed to be him, but thankfully he doesn’t have to spend a lot of time worrying because Orihime is coming towards him, shouldering through the thick mix of families. Several people gape in surprise and it kind of irks Renji just how much people in the World of the Living _stare_ , not because he minds the attention but because that attention merits action. 

“Cousin Orihime!” he booms, pulling her into a Very Big Brotherly Hug. She goes _‘eek!,’_ crashing into his ribs. “It is so good to see you, little one!” 

Orihime giggles into his chest, trying to cover it up with her uniform sweater sleeve. “Tone it down,” she whispers lightly, before extracting herself from the hug. She bows respectfully. “It’s good to see you! Thanks for coming!”

“Of course!” he says, in the same obnoxious tone. “Shall we find a place to wait?”

Orihime nods and leads him by the elbow towards a few chairs. The commotion they caused finally catches Ichigo’s family’s attention because they’re all looking in Orihime’s direction now. Ichigo smirks, full-blown, eyeing Renji’s outfit from head to toe. Beside him, Isshin looks amused. He elbows Ryuuken and whispers something in his ear, to which the other man regards Renji and scoffs. 

They don’t really have time to go over and do fake introductions -- which is honestly a relief, given the way bastard Ichigo is laughing at him -- because someone calls out their number from inside a narrow-looking office. 

“Alright,” Renji says, clapping Orihime’s shoulder. “Let’s get this show on the road, cousin.” 

“Yes, also-cousin!” She pumps the air victoriously, nearly knocking out a few girls around them. 

Renji grins wildly. This is going to be fun. 

Except the plan kind of falls flat the second they enter the office. They’re asked to sit in these plushy office chairs opposite the counselor, and the chairs are way too small for Renji. Even in his gigai, his tailbone squashes uncomfortably against the bottom of the chair. His jeans are a few sizes too loose so he has to keep hoisting them back up. This particular contribution comes from Ichigo, who probably just passed off one of his dad’s old jeans to Renji. 

The woman, Ochi _sensei_ looks back and forth between Orihime and Renji suspiciously. “I didn’t know you have a cousin, Orihime.”

“Oh, yeah,” Orihime rubs the back of her head sheepishly. “My aunt had a last-minute meeting at work, so she sent her son instead.” 

“I thought your aunt didn’t have any children.” Ochi frowns. 

Renji springs up in his seat, like he’s back at Shin’O again. They’ve gone over this! 

_Aunt Hitomi had a minor surgery a few years ago where she had to get her tubes tied. Ochi sensei doesn’t know the specifics, though, so you can lie on this one as long as you make it melodramatic and convincing. Sensei loves a good story, so she’ll ignore the logistics as long as you make it good._

“I’m a miracle baby,” Renji explains, wavering his voice and jutting his thumb back towards himself. “Mother and father weren’t sure they’d have me at all, and when they did, a lot of quacks told them I’d never be able to walk again.” He flexes his legs for emphasis. “But I did a lot of PT and here I am -- back in Karakura, to visit my sweet little sister.” He nudges Orihime with his elbow. 

Orihime takes his cue, nodding emphatically. “Tatsuo is the GOAT!” she adds, crossing her arm across her chest like it’s Scouts’ honor. 

Surprisingly, they sell this well because Ochi looks sympathetic, her hand draped across her throat in a very feminine way. “Oh, that must be so hard for you and Hitomi.” Renji scoffs inwardly. No wonder Ichigo got through so much bluffing throughout high school absences. This woman would believe essentially anything. “What do you do?”

They took something called a ‘Buzzfeed quiz’ to determine this one. 

“I’m a lifeguard.” He resists the urge to flex his bicep. “I’ve been working in Tokyo these past couple of months.”

“Impressive!” Ochi nods appreciatively. Orihime and Renji mentally high-five each other at the amount of detail they put into this grift. 

Ochi pulls out a long-looking report card from one of her drawers. “As much as I’d love to get to know you more, Tatsuo, I’m sure you understand the time constraints we face,” she explains, glancing at the clock. She hands Renji the report with a smile. “There’s absolutely nothing to worry about, with regards to Orihime’s grades. I’m a little worried about her constant absences, but she makes up for it with a lot of hard work, so I can’t say I’m _too_ worried. She’s an absolute pleasure to teach.” 

Renji regards the report card with a whistle. It’s not unlike his own report back at Shin’O, filled with straight As and near perfect scores. The only place she dips a little is history, which he equates with his own Kido lessons back at the Academy. There’s all kinds of comments, praising her on funny little things like cleanliness and classroom behavior. She’s in Sewing Club, which he doesn’t really get but respects. It’s a good overall portfolio. 

“I get sick a lot,” Orihime excuses, biting her lip nervously. According to Rukia, Orihime doesn’t get sick, but that’s for them to know and Sensei to gloss over, so Renji just nods along with a _‘this kid, am I right?’_ chuckle, which is something between a laugh and a grimace.

_Read my report carefully. My aunt would probably ask sensei why my history scores are so low._

“I see her math scores are really high,” Renji points out instead. “Can we do anything with that?” This is career counselling, after all and he knows a thing or two about kids being embarrassed with test scores back at Shin’O. Heck, Hisagi Shuuhei himself carries the guilt of failing the exams thrice, despite being a competent, Lieutenant-level shinigami. That’s not a road he wants a kid like Orihime to take, given the hell she’s been through these few years.

Orihime gasps in surprise, before quickly covering her mouth. He shoots her an apologetic grin for steering off course. _Sorry, not sorry,_ he thinks.

“Well, I’ve discussed this with Orihime before,” Ochi comments solemnly, crossing her arms at her chest. “Orihime’s got the perfect makings for a career in astrophysics or even in video game design. Her approach to education is very unconventional and her methods might be downright bizarre but these are two fields she’s expressed interest in -- and would excel in -- with the kind of work she puts in on the daily. But..”

Renji raises his eyes. Beside him, Orihime squirms uncomfortably in her seat. “But?”

Ochi sighs, leaning forward. “Tatsuo, I’m sure you understand that college is expensive,” she explains. “It’s extremely kind of your family to fund her high school education, but from what Hitomi tells me, that’s going to stop soon, right?” She says this to Orihime, who nods with the most upsetting frown Renji’s seen in his life. “The kind of money Orihime makes at the bakery might not be sufficient for her to get started on a degree right away. Maybe in a few years time, but definitely not at the moment -- unless she receives enough funding.”

The office is quiet. _Sensei will bring up money constraints. My aunt would agree with her._

Half of Renji wants to just spout whatever they practiced. He doesn’t want to be memorable enough for Orihime to face trouble in the future. But he stares down at the sheets and sees the face of a kid from Inuzuri, convinced he’ll never make it big at Shin’O because he’s just a commoner among nobles. The face of a man who pushed through with hard work alone, despite all that class crap. 

“What about scholarships?” he says finally, leaning forward in his chair. It’s all fun and games until the grift fucks with people he cares about. “Surely there has to be something you can do for a kid this brilliant, right?” He waves his hand towards Orihime. “You said it yourself: she’s a pleasure to teach. From an instructor’s standpoint, I’m sure you’d recognize that classrooms would look better where there’s genuinely curious and intelligent kids rather than disinterested, rich brats.”

Orihime opens her mouth and closes it again. She starts to speak, but no words come out. Her eyes begin brimming with the first torrents of tears. Oh no. Did Renji fuck this up? His ears burn.

Ochi clears her throat. “I understand,” she says politely. “I’m sorry if I made you upset, my words come from a place of adoration and good intentions.” She smiles at Orihime. “Scholarships are definitely worth pursuing, but as I’ve explained to Orihime before, they can be difficult and time-consuming to apply for.” She leans back in her chair. “The choice is yours, really. If you ever did choose to apply, I’d be more than happy to write your recommendation letters, Orihime, but do give these things a thought, okay?” 

Orihime nods. They go over other things, like graduation and stuff Orihime said would be okay for him to zone out during. By the time they’re done, Orihime looks eager to get out of there and Renji can’t really say he blames her. 

He only hopes he didn’t make things worse.

____

Rukia lets Orihime ugly-cry on her shoulder when Renji goes to order ice cream for them. It’s a cascade of sobs and snot and incomprehensible words that she’d kept locked in while he was actually here, and the sensations flood out like a dam.

“He..he’s so amazing, Rukia,” Orihime sobs. “He s-stood up for me even w-when he didn’t have to and he was so good. So good!”

Rukia smiles, rubbing circles around Orihime’s back. Trust Renji to pull a ‘I Will Fight For My Friends’ at a school meeting of all places. “He is,” she agrees. “He’s a bleedin’ hearted idiot.”

“Hey, who are you calling an idiot?” Renji asks, sliding back into the booth beside them. He pushes Rukia’s and Orihime’s cups towards them before taking his own in his gigantic hands. “I’ll have you know, Ochi sensei actually had a teensy lil’ crush on me back there. It was very obvious, the way she was giving these bad boys a once-over.” He flexes his bicep exaggeratedly, mainly to get a laugh out of Orihime (which he does).

Rukia scoffs. “Did you tell her you’re engaged-to-be-married?” She reaches out for his ice cream cup and he relents, knowing full well she’d end up finishing his insead of her own. She loves him, this idiot.

“Hell no,” Renji replies. “For 24 hours, I am Tatsuo Inoue -- resident hottie and Very Much Bachelor lifeguard.”

Orihime lets out a loud laugh, disguised as snorts and hiccups amidst her tears. 

Rukia groans, with a laugh spilling out despite herself. She chucks her spoon at his head. “I hate you.”

Renji grins, gratuitously picking at her blackcurrant ice cream. “Love ya too, Rukia.” 

Orihime looks between them and smiles warmly. “You guys are the best.”

Rukia glances at her and grins. “Uh-oh, look out Renji, it’s coming!”

“What is?” he asks quizzically. They both stand up, so Renji blindly imitates them. Before he knows it, Orihime curls a tiny hand around his jacket and Rukia’s sun dress, pulling them in for a group hug. 

“The Orihime hug,” Rukia says happily, her elbows colliding with Renji’s as they try to conform into this frankly odd-angled embrace. It’s nice and it feels like sunshine and cotton candy rolled into one person. They haven’t exactly decided what to do about the money situation, but Renji promises to buy a fax machine back in Soul Society so they can help her fill out scholarships. It’s painfully endearing, but Rukia wouldn’t have it any other way because she loves these two doofuses and seeing them bond like this puts the happy in Chappy, honestly. 

“I’m gonna make a bandana for you, Renji,” Orihime says determinedly, jutting her thumb back to herself. “Whatever design, you name it.”

“Actually, I think you’d be better off bringing out your Shun Shun Rikka the next time we see Ichigo,” Renji says, tugging his ponytail.

Orihime and Rukia blink in confusion. 

“I think he saw you leave Ochi’s office in tears and as much as I could have probably taken on the squirt back in the day, I don’t think this new Quincy blend’s gonna leave me very, uh, alive.” 

Orihime nods grimly, flexing her own biceps. “You can count on me!”

As much as she loves Ichigo, there _are_ a few things she’d go to war with him for. Protecting her beloved cousin Tatsuo Inoue? That’s definitely one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me at [kazeshini-s](https://kazeshini-s.tumblr.com/)


End file.
